What does it mean to be a man? From father to son and generation to generation, how we define masculinity has been shaped by rituals, cultural expectations, and unwritten rules.
Many men struggle with masculinity and the pressure, isolation, and overwhelming emotions that previous generations rarely discussed. But as masculinity continues to evolve, understanding how these shifts affect men’s mental health has never been more important.
Masculinity and men’s mental health
Masculinity is a fluid social construct that is influenced by biological factors. These include:
- Hormones (especially testosterone): Testosterone levels influence traits often associated with masculinity, such as competitiveness, risk-taking, aggression, muscle mass, and libido.
- Brain structure and function: Some research suggests men’s brains may process emotions, stress, and social bonding differently, which can shape typical male behaviors.
- Genetics: Genetic factors contribute to physical traits (like body size, facial hair) that are culturally tied to masculine identity.
- Neurological reward systems: These can affect how men respond to dominance, status, or social hierarchy, reinforcing behaviors linked to traditional masculinity.
Culturally throughout history, masculinity has been shaped by the roles men play in their communities: hunters, warriors, providers, protectors, and leaders. The roles established traditional masculine traits like physical strength, bravery, honor, self-control, and duty.
Today’s man is under intense pressure to live up to those expectations in the modern world. But similar to their forefathers, this is often a burden they must carry in silence — because that’s what it means to be a man.
Many men have learned about masculinity by observing “emotionally distant” fathers who focused more on being the family breadwinner and less on nurturing at home. Today, these values have significant influence over how men behave in the workplace, among their friends, and even in romantic relationships.
But for many men, today’s definition of masculinity is dramatically changing — and constantly being challenged. While many men are exploring diversity in expression, “toxic masculinity” is pushing traditional ideas of manliness to the extreme.
A term coined in the 1980s, toxic masculinity describes the social pressure on men to conform to ideals of aggressive, stoic, and dominant behaviors. It also sees women as inferior to men.
It’s a lot for any man to process alone and may explain why:1
- 53% of men say “no one really knows me.”
- 57% feel “no one cares” if they are ok.
- Suicide rates are nearly four times higher than women.
- More than 21% have dealt with a substance use disorder.
- Nearly one-third of men don’t know where to turn for help.
Today, many men are searching for a clearer sense of identity and belonging. Historically, coming-of-age ceremonies gave young men a clearer path and step confidently into being a man. But these traditions have largely faded, and may explain why many men find themselves navigating manhood without guidance or support.
How coming-of-age rituals influence masculinity
Across histories and centuries, virtually all cultures have had coming-of-age rituals or ceremonies to mark a boy or girl’s transition into adulthood. These have served significant social and psychological functions for men:
- Marks the transition to adulthood: Rituals signal the beginning of adult rights and responsibilities, providing young men with a clear path to maturity.
- Strengthens social bonds and belonging: Shared ceremonies foster peer bonding, intergenerational connections, and a vital sense of community and self-esteem.
- Reinforces social order: These traditions uphold common values and established roles, helping maintain community structure and hierarchy.
Coming-of-age rituals for boys typically involve enduring a dramatic test of bravery, endurance, and emotional control.
After fasting for three days, for example, boys in the Mandan Okipa tribe would be pierced in their back, shoulders, and chest and suspended from the ceiling. They became men if they refrained from crying.
Aboriginal boys in the Australian wilderness were left alone for up to six months, living off the land and using the skills their elders taught them.
These rituals may seem extreme to some, but enduring these hardships clearly — and publicly — demonstrated that these new men had earned the rights and responsibilities of adulthood. It also committed these men to protect the survival of the rest of the community.
However, these rituals have all but disappeared from modern Western society. Today, coming-of-age is usually marked by graduation ceremonies, sporting achievements, joining a fraternity, or joining the military.
The decline or absence of these important rituals has removed a powerful path to adulthood, causing some men to feel adrift.
In a sense, the line between adolescence and adulthood has blurred. As a result, men can experience:
- Emotional and social struggles: Many young men experience confusion about adulthood, lack confidence in adult roles, and feel disconnected or purposeless, often facing loneliness and social isolation.
- Men’s mental health and relationships: These challenges can lead to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, strained family ties, and a lack of positive role models or guidance.
- Risky behaviors and external validation: In response, some may turn to aggression, risk-taking, or seek validation through materialism and sexual conquests as alternative ways to prove manhood.
Managing men’s mental health and masculinity
Men may be struggling, but a 2023 Men’s Health survey indicates that 95% of men recognize that mental health is just as important as — if not more important than — physical health.
Taking care of your mental health is not a sign of weakness. Rather, it is a sign of strength and self-respect.
Tips for managing men’s mental health and masculinity include:
- Talk about it: Open up to a friend, partner, or therapist about how you’re feeling. Remember that millions of men feel just like you, and opening up can be a powerful and effective way to release.
- Build connections: More than 1 in 7 men say they have no close friends. Yet social connection is one of the strongest protectors against depression, anxiety, and loneliness.
- Prioritize health habits: Exercise, a good diet, and quality sleep are proven to boost mood and resilience. A daily walk or eating your lunch away from your desk can reduce stress and boost self-esteem.
- Practice mindfulness and self-reflection: Try meditation, deep breathing, or jot down thoughts and feelings. Just 10 minutes can help clear your mind and calm the nervous system.
- Set boundaries and seek purpose: Learn to say no and resist the pressure to conform to masculine behaviors you don’t agree with. Engage in hobbies or serve others through volunteer activities.
- Seek professional help when needed: Therapy can provide tools for growth, healing, and building resilience, while treatments like transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) and Spravato® esketamine can treat depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions.
- Challenge stigma: Talk about men’s mental health, ask for help, and show that you, too, are vulnerable. When one man speaks up, it encourages others to do the same.
Key takeaways
- Masculinity is a shifting social construct, historically shaped by cultural roles and rituals. Today’s men face intense pressure to meet both traditional and modern expectations — often in silence.
- Rigid masculine norms, such as emotional stoicism and self-reliance, are linked to higher rates of depression, anxiety, substance use, and suicide among men.
- The decline of coming-of-age rituals has left many men without clear milestones or support as they transition into adulthood.
- A growing number of men recognize the importance of mental health and are beginning to embrace vulnerability, seek support, and build stronger connections.
Looking for mental health care services near you?
Pacific Mind Health offers medication management, therapy, and interventional treatments like transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) and Spravato (esketamine) at our Los Angeles offices. Our experienced clinicians provide compassionate, evidence-based care to help you feel better.
Ready to take the next step? Schedule a consultation and start your mental health journey today.
